Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
