rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
