help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize