Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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