Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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