The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize