Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
