i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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