shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it hurts more in the daytime
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
