just tell him i said nine months
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
