Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
