Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
