Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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