I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
