just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
