**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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