TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize