I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
