So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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