He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
