BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
