i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
