Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize