His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
