Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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