I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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