I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The Olympian is in my bed
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