ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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