I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
