Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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