When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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