she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
