Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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