sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
