You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
