Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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