haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
