If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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