Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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