I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
