About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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