i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
