he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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