she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
