How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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