I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
