She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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