Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
