areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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