i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
