Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
