i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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