Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize