I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
