So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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