you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
