I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Green mimosas i think yes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
