Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
