Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Found the puke drawer
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
