evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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