His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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