the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
