i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
