If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
