i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize