How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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