Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
