I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
