Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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