There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
