shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
