You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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