I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
