Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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