I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
