Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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